Ever since Gaga broke the news that she won’t be able to preform for two shows due to her bout with lupus, I was taken a back and upset. She said that she has been hiding her pain for the past month now and not even her personal staff knew about it. None of us had any an inclination that she was suffering because she was/is that good of a performer and as one, she exuded that “show must go on” attitude so it was really hard to know what she went through . That being said, I did notice that something was a tad off when I when I saw her live, more notably the fact that she seemed tired and staggered sometimes during her dance routines, more prominently during Scheisse but I dismissed that as being part of her exhaustive touring. Now however after knowing what she has been dealing with, I can’t even imagine the pain she’s undergoing. This very event is a lesson for all of us and goes to show that no matter how “close” we think we are to her, we are nowhere near knowing who the real Lady Gaga is. I’ve come across many,many people here who think they’ve got it all figured out, they can sit and analyze all they but I for one think you all will never be able to unlock the enigma that she is. Come to think of it, aren’t we all enigmas Aren’t we all books bound by a lock and key? We may open up to our loved one but regardless of how little or much we do so, no one knows who we are except ourselves. This proves to us that Gaga is a human being like the rest of us, she has her painful memories, her hurtful experiences and her joys and triumphs and though she may project herself as being an open book, she really isn’t. I came across one tumblr blogger here who thought he had every single thing figured out about her ARTPOP approach. He went to say that her body revolution project was a cover up for the attacks made against her weight by the media and his statement was that she ought to “shape up, disappear and come back after a while with something unique and new in order to stay relevant” well how do we know if this person is wrong or right? we don’t because its just an opinion and it cannot be proven, only Gaga herself can verify her own actions. I for one think her movement was a positive one and allowed people to talk about the positive aspects of different body types. Sure maybe it could have been also for publicity sake but either way, it got people talking about an issue that’s often swept under the rug, it set the topic on the table. All that she says and does only one person knows for sure and that would be herself. At the end of it all I’m trying to say that Gaga is another human being like the rest of us.She has her ups and downs and there are a lot of thing we will never now despite what she may tell us. I say accept and trust the things she has done and is going to do with an open mind and not be so quick to judge her. Her music is our journey but her life is her own and all we can do is hope that things will turn out right. I used to be super critical in the past of what she did but I’ve since stopped worrying and just learning to accept whatever she does with an open heart. In fact, I’m not even worried about the success of ARTPOP, I think it will be what it will be and I’m going to love it regardless. I also hope and pray she gets well soon.
Rushing to my bed and the very act of sleeping used to be such a comfort for me when I was in high school. All my worries and cares during the day used to be stripped away as the prospect of heading to a warm cozy blanket and bed welcomed me. Nowadays though sleep in general has the opposite effect on me as it has become a dreaded routine where the only outcome is the thought that yet another day has gone by,wasted. Another day spent worrying about the future, nitpicking and scrutinizing ever little detail about my body, mind, and soul weighs heavily upon me and makes wanting to close these weary eyes ever more of a reluctant task. Before, I used to excitedly jump into bed thinking about what I might dream about but now, I go to bed praying to God to help me through my day tomorrow and asking him to give me some sort of peace of mind when I close those heavy iron gates.Its all become a primal game of hunter and prey wherein I assume the role of the prey, hiding in the thicket of the bushes, furtive and ever watchful for that thing stalking me, that beast called my mind. Counting the hours until I have to get back into the war zone has commenced.
I just realized that So Happy I Could Die is actually about loneliness and detachment from others.Although I knew it had to do with addiction to alcohol and drugs for a while now, I never pieced together the ideas of isolation and sadness until now. I view the song in its entirety as a soliloquy wherein Gaga is talking to herself and letting her thoughts flow out. When she sings ” I love that lavender blonde, the way she moves the way she walks, I touch myself and its all right.” She basically is saying that she has no one to love except herself and she’s using masturbation here to allude to self love. When she sings ” Happy in the club with a bottle red wine, stars in her eyes ‘cause we’re having a good time. Be your best friend I’ll love you forever, so happy I could die” she’s basically talking about escaping reality, the reality of loneliness by drowning herself in physical substances like drugs and alcohol.Its interesting how the song sounds so peppy and dark at the same time. The duality of the tone in the song sheds light on loneliness , people who are lonely paint on a smile to show the world they have it all together but the reality of things is that they’re really falling apart inside. There are a lot of parts in the song where she’s almost fighting with her inner demons and you can hear two voices, one telling her to give in to the addiction and loneliness and the other telling her to fight it. “Just give in…….don’t give up baby, open up your heart and mind to me” .So happy I could die and its all right.
A thousand shall pass on by.
One will stand by your side.
Despite of what they may tell you, know that nothing ever lasts. Aside from a thermodynamic property like Energy, everything else that is created will eventually dissipate into nothingness, that is the nature of things. Nothing is set in stone and if they tell you it is, remember that stone crumbles easily. Accept the good and cherish it for it will leave you one day like a gentle breeze.Accept the bad and learn from it for it is what made you strong, fortified your soul and gave you a sturdy backbone upon which you carried yourself. At the end of it all, everything will fade away as is the creed of life and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it except follow it.
One of the things that is preventing me from actually committing to writing something is that my mind continues to convince me that whatever I end up with will be amateurish. I mean considering its my first time, I fear that I may initially think what I create will be epic but then years from now when I look back on it , I’ll ask myself what was I even thinking. I just want to write something quality but then you see its a vicious circle because if I don’t actually begin somewhere, I’ll never get anything done. I just need the motivation I suppose……
I just came back from The Born This Way Ball and it honestly had to be the BEST time OF MY LIFE thus far!!!!! I had such a surreal and amazing experience that I can’t even gather my thoughts properly right now because I’m shaking, it was that AMAZING! I got to the concert arena around 6:20 and was really nervous. I have never really been to something as grand before and I really did not know what to expect.I walked around the arena for a bit and was just taken aback at how creative and gorgeous all the Little Monsters were dressed. Some of the girls looked like exact clones of Gaga that it was scary. I even had to take a double take to make sure if it really was her lol I got to my seat and chatted up with some fellow monsters who were just as excited. One of them was excited to see Gaga preform Alejandro and Born This Way and I in turn told her I was looking to forward to Black Jesus ✝Amen Fashion and Bloody Mary. So around 7:45, a woman appeared on stage wearing a black robe with a hood over her head and began playing an ominous tune on the piano . I excitedly exclaimed ” IS THAT GAGA?!” but then she withdrew her hood and said ” Hi everyone, my name is Lady Starlight” and I flipped the fuck out LOL she put on a rather odd performance art piece where she gyrated on the stage and vogued for a bit and I thought it was cool to say the least. Then around 8:00, Madeon came on stage, that’s right Fucking Madeon!, and he totally brought the house down with his amazing synth/house remixes and he even played STACHE!!!!! It was quite fun but I really was getting antsy because I really wanted to see Gaga! Also, I was kinda still nervous and kind of felt out of place as I saw all these people having a good time with their family and friends while I was all alone. Then at 8:45 sharp, the lights went out completely and the curtains rose, every one in the auditorium cheered and I really did not expect what came next. Gaga emerged riding a big, black mechanical Unicorn and was followed by her backup dancers who looked like futuristic soldiers. The moment she chanted “R-R-RUN WITH HER T-” from Highway Unicorn It finally hit me what was happening and I totally broke down. My heart was pounding, my body was violently shaking and my head was swimming because I couldn’t actually believe what I was hearing,for the first time in my life I was actually seeing Gaga as a real person as opposed to someone I saw on television. Just those few words to the song did something magical to my body because the next thing I knew, I was up on my feet dancing my fucking ass off! That shy, introverted person I used to be was no longer present and in his place stood someone totally free and in the moment. I was fucking fist pumping, can you believe that? UGH! I swear, Gaga sounds so much better live than she does on the albums its insane! Every single track she preformed was pure magic and it felt like I was injecting myself with adrenaline every time she sang! One of the things I noticed when the concert was underway, was that I no longer felt embarrassed as to who I was, the way I looked, dressed, acted etc , I was myself and I loved every single moment of it. Everyone in that concert arena regardless of race, age, religion or orientation was one and the same in that moment and it was truly a magical moment I’ll tell you that much. I adored the fact that there were old people completely being themselves and dancing along with Gaga and it just makes my heart swell with pride. We were all BORN THIS WAY!
Gaga finally ended up playing Scheisse and told us it was the last song of the evening and once that was done, some people foolishly ended up leaving. I for one did call her bluff and was convinced we had not seen the last of her. Surely enough, she emerged on top of the Castle and sang The Edge of Glory and her voice was fucking amazing! She and Mark Kanemura dancing together was just pure sex. She ended up closing the show with abridged version of Marry The Night and it definitely left us with high spirits. Cake Like Lady Gaga was also played towards the end and that totally pumped me up in anticipation for ARTPOP! As I was leaving, there were some insanely hunky shirtless guys , in extremely tight leather pants might I add, who were handing out free samples of Gaga’s Fame and so I’m glad I got to take one home. The perfume smells amazing btw and I kind of pick up that blood and semen angle gaga was going for LOL All in all, tonight was bloody brilliant and I look forward to her next tour for sure! I definitely Married The Night today :D